HER HUSBAND.

              A man in white cowboy hat, white jeans, white cowboy shirt, and cobalt blue Air Jordans stands in front of a plain white garage with the door pulled down. I tell him I don’t want a job – I want a chance – to show what I can do. I know he’ll know I’m shitting him. He pulls imaginary guns out of imaginary holsters and shoots me.

              “Bank-Bank. For this job you need the killing stink.”

              “Killer instinct, not killing stink. But you’re right. I don’t stink like a killer. Get somebody else.”

              Already I know he part-fakes the accent. I’m wary, interested. Never say yes to a scammer, agreement is weakness.

              “You say you are no good? You must be no good. Or very good.” He winks. A scammer can sell you everything because you can see all his greed in his face. Greed is contagious. “Come into my business, little fly.” He opens the garage door, flips a switch. Scribbly blue neon zits on. SIGN UP FOR FREE GIFTS NOW. An architect’s table with blueprints of WILDWOOD PARADISE CONDO that never will get built. A Corvette with a yellow ribbon saying DRIVE ME AWAY because nobody’s ever going to drive it away. He looks at me suspiciously, like a fish at bait.

              “Americans come two kinds I learn when I come here refugee from Walachia, my tiny homeland ruined by capitalism.”

              “I thought Communism ruined it.”

              “That too! First Communism, then Capitalism, both worse than either. Don’t interrupt. First kind American! Very thin. Can’t smoke, because cancer, because they must live forever. Can’t eat meat, can’t eat fish, chicken, nothing with eyes because eyes of animals are so sad to Americans. Can’t eat salt or fat or cheese or eggs or butter. All don’t have eyes. But have – cholesterol! Cholesterol is so dangerous to Americans one drop would make you fat. What then? You might as well smoke, because you will forever fail to live forever.”

7

  

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